Plenty more clichés in the English language

Dear Mum,

I have been somewhat hesitant about writing this blog but the recent break-up has offered food for thought.

They say ‘write about what you know’. Who this body of advisors is I do not know, but its counsel has developed into a bit of a literary cliché, a rule my blog’s content follows ‘down to a tee.’

And this is precisely what this particular blog is about. Language.

I’m not here to air my dirty laundry.

This blog is instead about the language we use in response to a break-up or shaky relationship – something I feel could do with revision.

Post-break-up, I followed my instinct, as any daughter would, by snivelling down the phone to you, before sending a round robin text to my girlfriends and gay friends confessing the day’s upsetting events.

This slightly cowardly act meant I avoided the emotionally fraught experience of numerous face-to-face briefings. I have had so many lovely words in response to this SMS update and some equally disappointing ones.

After questioning my growing sense of sadness I realised these idioms and expressions of comfort are, in a nutshell, a load of tripe. They struck a chord – but not a good one.

All that follows was kindly meant and no offence is meant to anyone who recited these expressions. I myself am guilty of having used them before in a variety of social situations.

I begin with the inspiration to the title of this blog; “there are plenty more fish in the sea...”

Generally speaking, individuals who have recently suffered a break-up will be feeling a) miserable and missing their boyfriend/girlfriend (delete as appropriate) terribly or b) miserable and wanting an extended break from men/women (delete as appropriate).

The prospect of their being more bait out there is thus, generally, not reassuring or consoling. One either convulses at the thought of being romantically involved with someone other than the person one has split from, or convulses at the prospect of their being a wealth of the opposite sex looming out there.  

Secondly: “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. It is fair enough to tell someone this a year after their break-up but it is not wise when they’re surrounded by countless Wispa wrappers and used tissues. In this scenario, this phrase is about as comforting as glimpsing the bottom of a vodka bottle i.e. not comforting at all, but rather another reason to well up. 

Thirdly: “It obviously wasn’t meant to be”. This phrase is used in countless situations, including break-ups, failed job applications, cancelled holiday flights and lost competitions. If ‘it’ wasn’t meant to be, why did life throw ‘it’ into one’s path and why did one invest such time and emotion into ‘it?’

Fourthly: “Time will heal”. Excellent. Now I know I’ll be feeling like s**t for month. Thanks for this.

Fifthly: “You’ll never forget your first love”. Same as the above.  But years rather than months.

Consider this blog a petition for a ban on these expressions. Let’s rethink our use of language and come up with something genuine. Like Dad’s gem of wisdom:  “Life is pretty s**t and so people can be pretty s**t.’

Honest, forthright and not dressed in imagery or metaphors, these words were of great solace.